To my first born- I have been reading Dearest James for the last 6 months and although it has been heart wrenching it has also given me strenght. I wanted to write sooner i just couldnt put my feelings into words. To write would be to acknowledge that you are not here what can i say- every day without you is unbearable sometimes it seems as though i cant go on. how is it possible that you are gone- i see you every where i hear you and wonder if you forgive me for all of my mistakes. You are my angel my beautiful baby how i just want to hold you and tell you how much i love you. i feel so empty and lost and wonder why how could god have taken you from all of us. I have your key chain-your tinker bell i worship it and hold and feel it and think of you. I know you are watching over us i feel your presence all the time. i think this is all a dream and i will wake up- i wait for you in my dreams and when i am with you all is beautiful- i am so angry-sleep is my only peace- and then i wake up and it begins all over again. James i will wait to see you again- nothing will ever be the same-