ANOTHER NEW YEAR WITHOUT YOU.

MY DEAREST JAMES,

THOUGHTS OF YOU RUN THROUGH MY MIND, I HEAR YOUR VOICE AND SEE YOUR FACE AND WONDER WHY? WHY? AFTER ALL THIS TIME STILL IT STILL SEEMS LIKE YESTERDAY. TIME WHAT IS TIME. DOES TIME REALLY EXIST? I KNOW YOU ARE WITH ME AND THIS GIVES ME CONFORT. JESUS DOESNT MAKE MISTAKES, I QUESTIONED AND QUESTIONED BUT IN THE END I REALIZED THAT YOU HAD THINGS TO DO. MY LITTLE BOY SO SWEET SO BEAUTIFUL, I MISS YOU AND LOVE YOU SO MUCH. YOU ASKED FOR LITTLE AND GAVE SO MUCH, I WILL SAY GOODNIGHT FOR NOW. KISSES AND HUGS. LOVE MOMMY.

Christmas Past.

Another Christmas without you, memories of you as a little boy run through my head. Opening your presents with such joy. You were so beautiful never really asked for anything. I remember putting you in your burgundy shoes gray pants oh my goodness that face that beautiful face. We all miss you so much wish you were here with us. I am sending you kisses and hugs, grateful for all of my memories so real i can almost touch you. Jenny, Jack, Lucas, Jacob, Ethan and Genevieve send you kisses and hugs. Missing you always and forever. Merry Christmas my beautiful baby boy. All my tears will never wash away the pain. You are always near me, I can feel your presence and your love. Love you Mommy.

Missing You.

Nothing will ever be the same without you. I think of you and see your beautiful face. I feel your presence and know that you are safe. We all miss you and wish you could be with us. You were my first born a perfect gift from heaven. I didnt deserve you but i am so grateful to the Lord. I'll be loving you always. Mommy.

Thanksgiving without you.

Without you still, think of you every day. I feel you near me and know that you will always be with me. My Christmas wish is for Jack to be happy and to visit with you once again. Kisses and hugs, love you always mommy. My first born blessing. You would love your new niece. I think her middle name fits her perfectly James. Oh and how much you would love the boys they play baseball just like you. Little Ethan has so much of you in him. Missing you.

Boys of Summer

I am watching the world series and yes the yankees are in it. Oh how you loved the game- more than anyone i know. Nobody knew the game like you. I have your baseball glove and when i touch it it brings me comfort. you put your heart and soul into everything, baseball was just one of your loves. I have your writings about Roger clemens and when ever i read them i cry. You are always here with me no matter where i am, even at the Yankee game. I love you and for tonight lets root for the boys of summer. Love you mommy.

So here i am thinking about you and how much i miss and love you. It never gets easy, although somepeople say with time. Time is all I have and for the rest of my life my heart will ache for you. I still think this is all a nightmare and i will wake up and find you. My heart is broken you were and will always be my baby. I wont give into regrets our destinys were meant to be. The lord has his plan and i know i will hold you again. When i was with you in your castle you were at peace. You sent me home-remember you said "mom" and then i was back. My angel my beautiful baby build your castle and i will be there soon. Love Mommy.

Once A Yankee Fan

Today is another day without you, the other night my mind wondered back to when it was just you and me. I remembered the christmas when i bought you your first cowboy hat and a set of holstered guns- how times have changed-i tell Jenny no fake guns for the kids. times are different now back then it seemed safer all was good in this world. I thought about you in your walker with your pacifer in your mouth- it is so crystal clear. How i use to kiss and hug you over and over again. You were so beautiful and loving. I remember when we you use to watch the yankee games with me and yes cheer them on. No one would believe me unless they were there. Yes you cheering on the yankees- wish i had a video of it - you probally would have burned it. I dont know if i had anything to do with you and baseball but it gives me comfort to think that i did. I have the Thurman Munson jersey you bought me and it never occured to me that this was very big of you knowing how much you hated them. oh and you also bought me my yankee pull over which by the was i will wear later tonight when i watch them in the playoffs- they are playing the Angels- yeah i know what you would say- so lets pretend its just me and you and lets root for the yankees. love you Mommy.